Week 6 MKMMA…smoke and mirrors…

“When you think everything is someone else’s fault, chances are that you’re looking at the wrong side of the looking glass.”

― Jennifer Megan Varnadore

I’m starting with the man in the mirror

I’m asking him to change his ways

And no message could have been any clearer

If you want to make the world a better place

Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

–Michael Jackson

Merriam Webster:

smoke and mirrors (plural noun)

: something intended to disguise or draw attention away from an often embarrassing or unpleasant issue —usually hyphenated when used attributively

This week as I read “The Gal in the Glass” (variation posted below) I realized how much we use metaphors about mirrors. Sometimes when we look in the mirror, what we see is what we subconsciously want see because our mind is either overly critical or overly egotistical about ourselves, depending on what it thinks we want to see.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see hope and beauty and vision for the future. Other times I see tired, age, and not anything I would describe as beautiful. It depends on my mental attitude and outlook at the time.

My tendency of looking at myself in recent years has been to worry and make assumptions about what other people see or expect, rather than allowing me to see the woman who is really there. I have allowed myself to come up short of my own hopes and dreams because I have let others’ opinions stifle my creativity and plans. I have also come up short because I have become very self deprecating and way too hard on myself…always striving to be perfect, the best, the expert…and especially recently I have missed that mark because of the “life stuff” that I has come along. I allowed injury, illness and grief to change me in ways I dislike and don’t recognize myself , and when I look in the mirror thinking about where this road has taken me, I don’t like it. I don’t like that I allowed myself to get in a funk and negative.

As a child, and even as a young adult, I was always positive thinking, liked who I was even if others didn’t, and though childhood threw several extreme challenges my way, I didn’t let them define me. I love that this course has begun to chip away the negativity and ugliness that I have allowed myself to be covered in, I’m looking forward to seeing that golden sparkle that I know is under all of this mess!